She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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