Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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