He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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