I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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