dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
