Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
