Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
