i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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