Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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