I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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