you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I know her cup size but not her name....
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