i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
