so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
