DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Randomize
