last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
