8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
