he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
My ATM looks so different sober.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
