True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
