Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
