It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
