guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
