As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize