she woke up with a sticky ear
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
