her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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