it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Randomize
