i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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