Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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