I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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