I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
