Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
