i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I have post one night stand depression
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
