We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
