in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
