She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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