i used baking grease as lip gloss
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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