can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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