You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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