THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
