What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I had to cum in my sink.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
