How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize