So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize