I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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