i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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