so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
