We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
