Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
