Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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