and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
