Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
