I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
