she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
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