I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
