You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
