Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
