Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
