I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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