just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
