She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
