I must be too annoying 4 u.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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