Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
