I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
