walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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