wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
