i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
