I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize
