I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
