I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
