you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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