i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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