i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
